2 am and lost in thought

If you were to ask me what my mood was right now, I couldn't answer you. Well, not like you would expect. I feel strangely optimistic with a shadow of sadness shrouding it. This kind of thing happens to me allot. I am naturally a pessimist, but what I mean is I always have conflicting moods. I find happiness in sorrow, maybe happiness is the wrong word, but being depressed gives me a feeling of strange optimism. Wanting something so bad I know I can't have it I almost convince myself it's mine. Don't worry if you don't understand, these are merely thoughts of a mad man.

Last night I went to Epicenter 09. I don't know if you've heard of it, but Linkin Park, TOOL and Alice in Chains were headlining. It was amazing, I'll tell you more of the actual day in another blog post. The reason I bring it up is because I met a girl there I will probably never see again. This is where the feeling of optimism shrouded by sorrow comes in. She probably wasn't interested in me at all, and I think she was with her boyfriend, but I felt a connection, probably one I forged in my head to make myself feel special. During the concert the crowd was so pact that I can barely move, personal space was non-existent. Before the band Tool began playing I turned to look behind me and a few people were smoking, I asked to bum a cigarette. It seemed to me that that group and I became fast friends. This girl was part of that group. As the band started playing the crowd began becoming more constricted, and she happened to be right behind me, I could feel the front of her body against my back as we danced to the music. It's not like this really meant anything, for the same thing happened with other guys and girls when other bands played, you have to expect that going to a concert like this. I guess since I talked to her beforehand I felt something more. I had asked her to text a friend of mine for me because I didn't have service on my phone, and I got her number from that friend later. Today I sent her a text message and have a feeling she will never respond. It's strange, being excited to make a new friend knowing she probably doesn't give two shits about staying in contact with me.

Thanks for reading my rant.
Over and out,
-Jared